Weigh in tonight. Down another pound. Slow and steady, right? That makes 35 pounds total lost since starting.

I made a small accomplishment today. Last week one of my run/walk sessions had to be short as I had someplace I had to be. Rather than skip (which would have been an old habbit), I went and decided to try to work it harder since I had less time. I have been running one lap, walking one lap, running one lap, walking one lap, etc. That night I ran doubles twice. Then Saturday morning while there, I ran doubles four times. Tonight, I ran doubles each time. That would be nine doubles, so 1.5 miles out of 2 miles I ran, walking the other half mile, plus a couple laps to cool down. While this is not really big in the overall scheme of things, and I know most others are running miles without stopping, for me this was good. I found my body is finally ready to be pushed a little harder. So I may not hit as many miles a week, but for now, to push harder for two miles each time works for me. I want my heart to be healthier, and this feels good.

Just a quick update. Life has been, well, let's just say very full lately. On our last day of school, we were caught completely off guard when 13 of my co-workers were given notice of being laid off. We really never saw it coming. In fact, a couple months ago we were all made to go to a meeting where we were assured our department was "safe" this year because we had been hit so badly last year. We were lied to. I still have a job at the moment, but what and where that job will be is currently up in the air. Apparently there is a complete restructuring happening, and "centralizing" seems to be the target. It would take me off site of my employees, which reverses every thought about why I was put there in the first place. There are some duties of my job I would be unable to do if not on site, which is why my manager said he is fighting against the idea. So, I hold my breath and wait. June was suppose to be a good month for me to take vacation as our location is being shut down for repaving and summer routes are being run from downtown. Now, I have no idea what will happen while I am gone for three weeks nor where I will be reporting to work when I get back. Nice thing to have hanging over my head while on vacation, huh? But I know, it could be worse. Just been a bad week in SO many ways, I am emotionally exhausted. Ever feel like you are being attacked from all sides? My current fantasy? To hide away all weekend and just sleep...........no issues.
Okay, enough of all that. In spite of things, I did get nearly all my exercise in this week. I had a few week moments on the food side of things, but actually did not do emotional eating....even though I have had plenty of reason to fall back into that cycle! I went a little off course last Saturday night when we were at the goth birthday party. And on Wednesday, as a "happy end of the year" gift one of my employees gave me a very small dark chocolate bar and reminded me how "good for you" dark chocolate is. Well, heck.....it's good for me, right? So yes, I ate it, but I shared it with the man that occassionally shares my office. Anyway, the results of all this at weigh-in last ngiht? Down 0.8 pounds. Not a lot, but under the circumstances of this week, I am pleased. I was sincerely afraid there would be a gain.
One quick note of a highlight of the week. Wednesday evening I got to hang out with my grandchildren so their parents could go out. I had SUCH a great time with them! They are so special. My daughter and her husband are doing an amazing job as parents. Those are the things that holds the soul together when the rest of the world is pulling it apart!

Another week has passed. I feel that I should probably be posting more often than I am, but I just don't feel I have anything newsworthy to share. This past week was pretty good. On Saturday night we went to a birthday party at a restaurant. I decided I would allow myself one indulgence, so I ordered the chicken parmesean sandwich, took off the bread (leaving chicken, bacon, and cheese...which is all good choices on my plan) with the fries (which was the indulgence). When it came, I gave half the fries to Steve. I felt good because I had made a choice to allow myself something, and then kept it in check by only taking half. However, (isn't there always one of those.....lol), when the birthday cake got served, I didn't resist and shared a piece with Steve. Okay, so the up part is that in both cases, I only had half of what I could have had. The down side is that I had just said how stuffed I felt from the dinner, but then ate the cake anyway. But other than that, I have been good with my food all week. On Saturday morning I actually got Steve to go to the track with me. He ususally walks everyday at home, but I think this is so much better for him than where he walks for many reasons. And since we have stopped our hikes on Saturday mornings, this is good so that I am doing something on Saturdays again. Last week we hit the track, and then went to an early showing of Star Trek. Last night he agreed to go with me again tomorrow, and perhaps we will hit the movies again afterwards to see Angel and Demons. Also, tomorrow night we have another birthday party to go to, but....get this. We are all suppose to dress "goth" and show up at the restaurant. This should prove interesting!! I was looking online last night at some goth web sites and actually learned a lot about the different types of goth dress and attitudes. It was really interesting and popped my stereo-type bubble I had. I will definitely have to share a picture here afterwards.

At my weigh-in last night, I was down 2.7 pounds to 186.3. I am SO happy to have stayed headed in the right direction! I was afraid of crossing back into the 190s. It would be so cool to be in the 170s at the end of this round of Biggest Loser. We actually have four more weeks to go, but I will miss the last week. I will probably weigh in on the last week on Monday before leaving town. So I actually have 3 1/2 weeks left.

Speaking of leaving town, did I mention that yet? We got our tickets last week and are Germany bound in June. My son and his wife are stationed there right now (Army), and we are going for a visit. I have lived there on three different occassions; when I was very young, when I was in high school, and when my son was born. It will be neat to show my son some of his history. Steve has never been, so it will be a brand new experience for him. We will be there 2 1/2 weeks. And on the trip back, we have a nearly 10 hour layover in London. It will be in the dark......10pm till 7am, but doesn't matter. I plan to rent a car and get out and see whatever I can see while there, as I have never been there and am likely to never be there again.

Here it is the morning after weigh-in, and I've somehow confused myself. I will have to call today to find out what my weigh-in was last week, because the number of total pounds lost is not seeming to add up right to where I thought I was last week. However, the scale last night was finally down into 180's. Well....189, actually, but still "in" them! That makes a total of 30.5 pounds lost since I started this in January. So I've crossed out of the 190's, and I've crossed the 30 pounds lost. The scary thing about saying all this is that now I have to be careful this next week to not screw up and cross back over to the other side of those two milestones. Here's where the fear of accomplishment meets the fear of losing. Cara has recently blogged about that, about how fear of being able to maintain a milestone can sometimes keep us from achieving it. That is SO true! I think about this complete process and wonder.......are these changes I'm making really going to be able to be life changes? I SOOO don't want to do all this just to gain it back and have to start over again some years down the road. I've been here before, BUT....I hope this time is different....that this time sticks. I believe I started this time around with a different attitude, different reasons for doing this, and a better support system in place. So I must stay positive and assume only the best ahead, knowing there will be setbacks, but also knowing they can be overcome. (Question is...am I trying to convince you or me....lol.)