The Old Man and His Beard

Do you remember the story of the old man and his beard? Short version is there was an old man that had grown his beard all his life. He was known for this and people came from all over to see him and his beard. One day, quite innocently, someone asked him if he slept with his beard under or over the covers. Having never thought about it before, the old man found he could not get comfortable either way and eventually had to cut it off in order to get a good night's sleep.

Well, I currently feel like that old man. On Saturdays, Steve goes with me to the track to do his walk while I do my thing. This past Saturday, quite innocently (seriously, he meant nothing beyond poking fun at me), he asked me if I could feel my butt jiggle when I ran. At that moment I simply laughed at him about it. However, on Monday while I was running I suddenly remembered his question. All of a sudden I realized that yes, I could feel it jiggling. All of a sudden nothing felt right, but I finished my run/walk. Next afternoon I went in and part way through same thing happen. When I thought of it, I felt like I was having a hard time running. Yesterday was national running day, and I had planned to push myself a bit more. But, there I was again. Shortly after starting, it suddenly popped back into my head. Yes, I could feel my butt jiggle as I ran. Suddenly I felt that I couldn't get my stride right. I was SO tempted to stop before I had completed my usual routine. I felt like I was having to work harder than normal to do what should be natural at this point. I was feeling drained physically too soon. No matter how I tried to distract myself, I kept feeling my butt muscles (and fat). I actually was feeling sore across my butt from the jiggling. Okay, what is wrong with me? This HAS to be all in my head, right? I've been doing this for months without a problem before. Why is this creating such a situation for me? And, of course, it's not like I can just say "don't think about it". Once it has popped into my mind, it seems to be all consuming while I'm running. Has anyone else had something like this happen? If so, how did you overcome it. I am finding that I am not looking forward to the track anymore, and in fact would welcome any excuse I can come up with right now to not go back anytime soon.

On another note, tonight is weigh-in. I may be in trouble this week. I have been being a bit "bad" everyday with my food. Sunday evening at dinner I had a homemade biscuit and serving of pasta with corn in it. Considering I am doing low carb, that was three no-no's in one meal. BAD, BAD, BAD. Otherwise I have just done some stupid little something somewhere in my day each day. Last time I was reaching this point, I was ending the first session of the biggest loser contest and so was able to take a week "off" between ending that one and starting the next. I think it really helped me get back on track because I had to lose what I had gained that week and I did it and kept going. So I am thinking this means it's time for a little "off" time so I can recommit. Problem is, I will have plenty of "off" time starting next week when I go on vacation. Knowing that, why couldn't I just stay good for another week?

Okay, I've got to get it together. I've got to overcome this running issue and get control again with my food. I want to be of the right mindset so that while on vacation I won't let it all go and come back to large weight gain. I know I won't be on top of my exercise and food, after all, when will I get a chance again for real German food? But I do want to stay in control about my choices and hopefully keep at least some exercise happening. There is actually a bit of fear happening here. I don't want to have to work to re-lose the same pounds over again. I want to feel the resolve I felt a few weeks ago of knowing I had developed great new habits and would not let them fall aside again. I still have four days before we start our trip, so hopefully I can get out of this funk and back on track before I leave. And I WILL pack my running shoes!